'Yesterday my life was in ruins
Now today I know what I'm doing
Gotta feeling I should be doing al right

Where will I be this time tomorrow?
Jumping for joy or sinking in sorrow
Anyway I should be doing all right'
- Queen 'Doin' All right'

It doesnt matter how much effort I put into life, how much I try to distract myself from the loneliness I feel, I always end up back in the same place. I have tried to look on the happy side of things, I have given everything to my friends and yet all I get back is sadness and regret for not finding people who actually wanted to stay friends with me. Someone who loves me for who I am not the person they want me to be. I'm sick of crying. I'm sick of sitting alone. I'm waiting for something that I've been waiting for my whole life, a true friend. Someone who knows me better than I know myself. There are people I care about certainly, yet I dont know them well enough to have a connection like that with them. It wont probably happen either because of me, essentially I am my own demon. My own characteristics keep people at a distance. Am I to be alone forever? That is a question I do not want answered. I cant change and frankly I dont want to. If I change then I am becoming something hat I dont want to be. I dont want to be a clone of someone else to fit in. I just want to be me. Isnt that enough? Obviously not.

Is it also wrong to wish for someone to love me in a more than platonic way? Someone to cuddle with and to lie on the grass and look up at the stars with or talk with till the early hours and then watch the sunrise. Yes I am a romantic person and hopefully even with this age of technology, romance still lives on somewhere. I want everyone to find someone who loves them, not just myself. You should not have to be perfect, blonde or skinny. This world that we live in is based far too much on appearances. It's the person that counts or to quote Julian 'its what's inside that counts'. So while I sit here alone, I hope you (whomever is still reading) finds someone who loves you or if you already have that person, I hope you are grateful to have them and tell them that too.

Life is a strange thing, everyone wants something they can't have. Tall people want to be shorter, short people want to be taller and don't say there isn't one thing you wouldn't change about yourself if you had the chance. The fact is it is human nature to want something you can't have. Often I find myself lying in bed asking myself why I want to change everything except a select few things about myself. People (myself included) should be more satisfied with what they are given. After all the world is made up of colourful characters and if you waste too much time wanting to change yourself you miss the fun of life. I don't write this to preach how you should think, this is more my mind processing information. You may read this when you are down or merely reflecting but hopefully this tiny bit of information allows you to contemplate more. So what I'm trying to say is stop wasting time wanting to change yourself, go and do something really stupid or funny, give a stranger a hug or say hi to a new person cause you never know what fate has in store for you.